When in the beginning stages of grief, while facing the elephant of divorce, time slows down. The days grow longer, minutes take hours to pass, and everything feels out of control. The fear that things will never get better start to creep in. Everything that once was secure is now gone. The safety net has been ripped to shreds and the free fall has begun. Now what?

I’m still nowhere near close to knowing what is next. I’ve spent my days watching countless YouTube videos titled, “How to get over heartbreak” and “7 Easy steps to overcome grief”. Still have no clear path ahead. Maybe I should sign up for one of those 12-week courses for the low, low, cost of $4,000 (Haha). Divorce has become such a profitable event for so many, while those facing it are going through one of the most traumatic events of their life just searching for a glimmer of hope.

Truth is, there is not a “fix all” approach to this. Grief has its stages: Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression, and Acceptance. That’s the only defining information we are given. However, grief processing is not linear, so there’s no real stability in that either. What I’ve done since I filed a week ago, was sit with myself and identify the emotions I’ve been feeling. Almost like trying to pinpoint what stage of grief I am in. I can safely say, I have not met all stages yet. There’s been a lot of bargaining, some denial, and mostly depression. The anger stage sounds enticing right about now. I want to let out some of this heaviness weighing on my mind but can’t rush it they say.

The advice I have been given so far is, “Don’t rush the healing process.”, “This too shall pass.”, “Take it one day at a time.”, “Sit with your feelings.”, “It’ll take a few months to feel better.”, “Find a new hobby.”, “Go for a walk.”, “You need to get out of the house.”, “You got this.”, “Take care of yourself.”, “Try not to live in the future, stay in the present.”, “What if this works out better than think it will.”, “This takes time.”. All great things to say, but when you feel lost and empty, those words fall flat. How could I possibly take these words and apply it? I barely drink water and get out of bed right now. The best advice I have taken to heart, so far, was to give myself one small goal a day and stick to it. Right now its drinking a bottle of water and doing my skincare daily.

Every day I will push myself to post on how the grieving process has affected me after divorce. I guess the, “Take it one day at a time” advice wasn’t a complete falsehood. Here’s to making it to the other side of grief.