Something I’ve learned through this divorce is just how many heartbreaks you feel during the process and after. The first was when I knew it was time to walk away, the second was filing, and the third was when I found myself alone. I didn’t know how many heartbreaks I could face with the same person.

One day I feel empowered and solid in my choice. The next, I’m in tears feeling broken. I bought an all-day pass for this rollercoaster ride, renewing daily. It will make one feel crazy somedays. I’ve never experienced such emotional disruption in my life as I have going through divorce.

At the beginning of this, I could not stop thinking about divorce and separation. I could not stop looping thoughts of this relationship ending and if I should run back to what was known. It’s been a few days now of being on my own and today was the first time I realized I hadn’t thought about the tragedy. The emotions were there, but I had not been in the same loop as I was before. Is this progress? Am I healing? I sure hope so.

Still have yet to find my new pace, my new routine. There are too many options to choose from when it comes to hobbies, but I know my current routine is all over the place with nothing to look forward to. At the start of healing, they say to not distract yourself from the emotions. I’m still in that cycle. Too scared to walk away from being in my emotions but also scared to get stuck in this part of the process.

What’s next?